dTHS HAS A FOOTBALL TEAM!!! (Sort of)

A Modest Proposal by Daniel Eidman

WEST HILLS- As the team’s season gets underway, the flag pulls are coming in hot and heavy. Yes everybody. I said flag pulls. Why would I mention flag pulls in an article about football?

de Toledo High School has a flag football team rather than a tackle team. Does that diminish the ability to call it a sport? A little bit. Are there a lot of jokes that can be made about flag football? Absolutely.

Flag football players do deserve some credit though. They get out on the gridiron almost every day and play their hearts out. They showcase the values of our school and look kind of like athletes while doing it. While flag football is consistent with our school’s focus on academics rather than tackling someone, the perceived social liabilities of playing “football” hurt students more than a hard tackle ever will.

When asked what sport they play, our flag football players are forced to stop, think for a second, and ask themselves this question: “Do I say ‘I play flag football’ and sound like a wuss, or do I just say ‘I play football’ and sound somewhat cooler?”

I asked Gabe Smallson, a captain of the flag football team and the starting quarterback, “What do you think of de Toledo having a flag football team instead of a tackle team?” His reply was, “Flag football is a great sport, but oftentimes when people ask me what sport I play, I just say football and hope they don’t ask what kind.”

In high school, where, as we all know, status is the only thing that matters, a lack of status is akin to leprosy. The people around you fall away much like a diseased limb.

“I only say I play football when people ask me about sports,” said Adam Ash, “because the conversation tends to get awkwardly quiet when I mention flags. Most people walk away after I say flag.”

When a student is robbed of their status, they take more psyche damage than an NFL athlete who has suffered multiple concussions.

So, if students are embarrassed by the sport they play, then shouldn’t the school offer an alternative?

Tackle football is not nearly as dangerous as many people think. The National Football League has implied that the majority of stories about ex-NFL athletes suffering from chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a degenerative brain disease generally caused by multiple concussions, cannot totally be attributed to hard hits to the head. Cam Newton, quarterback for the Carolina Panthers, has blamed his concussions on not listening to “Pipe it Up,” his regular pregame warm-up song. If our athletic directors promise to play “Pipe it Up” before all of our games, they can almost guarantee that no one will get hurt.

As evidenced by Cam Newton and the NFL, with proper preparation tackle football can be safe enough. It is time our school fully embraces real American football. If anyone does get injured, they were probably playing the wrong music.